The Christmas season feels harder this year. I’ve been trying to think of the reasons why.
1.) I’ve had a headache of one kind or another since October 20. Yes. Still. These headaches have kept me from doing the majority of Christmas crafts I’ve wanted to do. They’ve kept my brain from working clearly. They’ve made me exhausted and yet I have great difficulty falling asleep and staying asleep. And my eyes get tired so quickly.
Trust that I’ve tried so many things to make them go away. Nothing works for very long. (I wrote about my relationship with pain back in May. You can find that post here.)
2.) I don’t know if it’s the headaches (I can blame them, can’t I?), but I’m finding it a bit harder to find joy in the every day this December. Perhaps that’s just the seasonal depression combined with the constant pain from the headaches.
3.) People around me seem to be having a difficult time this year–whether it be finances or family difficulties or just not feeling the joy. Though this was true last year, it seemed easier to find the hope. This year, I just have to look harder for hope.
I could probably find other reasons if I looked hard enough, but they would all end up coming back to these three.
So what do I do?
Do I do anything at all?
Yes.
Rest. Care for myself. Do what I can to alleviate the pain.
Learn the lessons that come in the harder times.
That hope can still be found even when life is hard and prayers seem to go unanswered.
That joy isn’t always a big, loud experience. It can be quiet and small, too, experienced among the sorrow and pain.
That God became man – Emanuel – God with us – and experienced life in a human body. He felt pain. He knows.
That hard things, bitter things, pain, difficulties come first. Then comes rest, sleep, joy, and sweetness.
Maybe difficult isn’t all that bad?
I could get all preachy and expound on how I can learn from my difficult season.
And I can learn from my difficult season.
But I’m not going to get all preachy.
I will simply say that experiencing hard things at a time when I wish I were feeling only joy is a good thing.
It will make the joy when it comes even better.
Like the waiting and waiting and waiting for the Messiah to be born.
How happy Anna and Simeon were when they saw Mary and Joseph with the baby Jesus in the Temple. They had been waiting their entire lives. They knew how long the whole world had been waiting.
And there was the baby.
There was Hope personified.
So I will wait.
I will wait for the darkness to lift and the pain to retreat.
I will wait for the joy to return.
My waiting will not be idle. Do not think that I will just sit here and do nothing.
I will do what I can with the strength and energy that I have.
I will ponder the mystery that is God made man come to earth to save us.
I will probably listen to Behold the Lamb of God a few dozen more times in the next few weeks. You can listen to it on Spotify or buy yourself a copy here. (No affiliation here. Not getting paid for promotion or anything. I just happen to love it. That is all.) It’s a Christmas album that tells a story. It’s not just a bunch of traditional songs we consider Christmas songs.
I will probably watch The Muppet Christmas Carol a few more times as well. Elf makes me laugh. I can relate to some of the family dynamics in National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. Hallmark Christmas movies make me feel all warm and fuzzy.
But The Muppet Christmas Carol warms my heart and I feel joy every time Ebeneezer Scrooge wakes up and realizes it’s Christmas morning and he can make up for lost time.
How are you doing this Christmas season? Are you full of joy or are you finding it difficult?
What are you doing to make room for joy and for Christmas in your home and in your heart?
If you’d like to read last year’s posts from Christmas time, here are the links for easy access: